jerakeen

Flaily Hands

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:56:59 GMT

My shelbecat is back! YAYAYYAYAYAY!!!

Go and read her fic, because it's the cutest fucking kidfic I've ever read in my life, and while you're there, please bitchslap some sense into her for me. I don't know what to do with myself when she disappears off the face of the internets. Yes, codependency issues, I has them.

The Trouble With Kids Is...
AU | KidFic | 7,750 words

The truth is that Adam doesn't really remember meeting Kris. If it weren't for the evidence, he'd deny having any knowledge of the guy; but a picture speaks a thousand words, or some such nonsense, and the picture presently displayed on his phone is yelling, 'Yes, you do know him, and you kissed him, you TRAMP!'

His phone can be such a bitch.

I can't think of a good subject line, so let's just go with 'stuff'

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:31:04 GMT

Awesome fics first:

In Writing by astolat
1,675 words | Kris really should've read the contract more carefully.

Turnabout by lolitaray
2,000 words | Sequel to Means to an End

The new assistant started yesterday and the new maid today. They both seem promising, but we'll have to wait and see. I don't trust people easily these days. I just found out yesterday that the maid I fired was chaining the dog, all day every day. I can't even begin to tell you how homicidal that makes me feel. I hired her to take care of the dog. I'm one person. How much cleaning can you do for one person? That's not a job, that's fucking vacation.

Firing her wasn't enough. I'm just so. Argh. *deep breaths* I talked to the dog last night and told her she shouldn't be afraid to bite people if they ever try to chain her or stick her in a cage, because I can't be there all the time and the cat will sell her out in a heartbeat. She needs to learn to take care of herself. But she's just so dumb and trusting. She just kept licking my hands.

I'm working on my slut-a-thon fic, because the scifi porn and the internet fic just wasn't enough for me. But this one's a baby fic and once I got the idea, I couldn't stop. I'll finish them all. One day. I'm pretty sure.

I'm feeling much better today, I can taste stuff and everything. Though I woke up with a cold sore on my lip and that's always a bitch. Fucking opportunistic viruses.

Sleepy Days

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:55:39 GMT

So I'm back at work, probably gonna sleep through the day with my eyes open, because that's what this virus is doing to me. I'm only really awake for, like, 3 hours a day. Which is just enough time to think about starting a story, usually of the crackish kind, and then I'm back to sleep again.

The cat and the dog are so fucking bored, you have no idea. The dog spent an hour yesterday barking at a wall. And last night, I was playing fetch with the cat (dog couldn't figure out the rules of the game, but the cat loves it) and she brought me my bra instead of the toy mouse. Yeah, I don't know what that means either, but it certainly isn't normal.

I somehow ended up being scared (to death) of the internet fic, so I put that one on the back burner, just until I grow some balls, and now I'm thinking/pondering/planning/dreaming about a scifi fic. I miss scifi. But I can't decide which scifi cliche I should use, because I love every single one of them and want to put the guys through all of it. (Aliens made them do it once! I know it's possible now!)

I'm leaning towards drugs/slavery/lots and lots of sex, but I'm not sure. What's your favorite cliche? Let's make a list, so I can make an informed decision.

And since I'm already here, have a rec:

Tradition by bexless
PG | 1,150 words

And Dream Away (sequel to Tangled)

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:07:45 GMT

Title: And Dream Away
Author: Jerakeen
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: PG-13
Length: 4,100 words
Disclaimer: Not real. Not mine. No disrespect intended. The title is from the song It Must Have Been Love by Roxette, from the Pretty Woman Soundtrack.
Warnings: Sequel to Tangled and Life in Detail. It's hooker fic with a happy ending, so of course there's plenty of melodrama.
Notes: Written for condancer as a (LATE!) birthday present. I wrote her an angsty sequel when she asked for one as her charity drabble, and I wanted her to have the happy ending as well. Also, I wrote this high on flu and meds. Just so you know.

Beta by minglingcrab and shelbecat. Nicest and meanest and the most awesome betas in the world.

Summary: They always did everything backwards.

( Story )

Singles Cruise Fic

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:57:57 GMT

mint condition, special edition, very rare and lined with glitter by jeyhawk
AU | PG-13 | 8,000 words

Kris' friends send him on a singles cruise and he ends up falling for the entertainment.

This fic made me grin from start to finish. Which I really appreciated, since I'm sick and miserable right now.

(And hungry. Oh, my God. I need food.)

Podfic: Far Along This Road

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:59:08 GMT

brimtoast has gifted us with a podfic of Far Along This Road! Now you can take it with you everywhere!

You can download the whole thing as one huge-ass file or you can download it in bits: 1 2 3

Alternate download links can be found at the kradam_ai post. (Members locked.)

You can leave feedback for brimtoast here (she will be tracking this entry) or you can comment at kradam_ai. But however you do it, please don't forget to drop her a line if you enjoy her work. It must have taken her forever to record that monster, she deserves all the love we can give her.

I'm so full of glee right now, I'd be dancing if I wasn't so sick. *flails her arms instead*

Offensive shoes

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 07:48:24 GMT

I have edited a couple of my word choices in Brand New Shoes, because more than one person came to me about them, saying they found them offensive.

The thing is, I can explain how they were not meant to be offensive, talk about POVs and the impossibility of being PC in one's own mind till the cows come home, but at the end of the day, it would still be my failing--either by not being able to judge my own audience or by being too clumsy with words to properly get my meaning across. Whatever the issue is here, I accept that it must be my fault.

So, while not apologizing for my word choices, which I still think were pretty much harmless, I do apologize for being a clumsy writer who can't make the reader understand what she meant in a sentence without writing a two-page essay on it.

Comments disabled because we don't do wank here.

Shopping

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:43:14 GMT

When did shopping become a chore? That's what I want to know. I bought a ton of stuff, mostly for work, granted, and that's not fun, but I used to love shopping no matter what I bought. Now all I can think is fuck, I'm tired.

In between buying stupidboring work clothes, I stopped by a bookstore--to buy a notebook, because I'm not allowed to buy books anymore--and there was this whole wall full of Dan Brown books. His newest, I guess, I forgot the name. They were hardcover and pretty. One thing you need to know about me is that I love books. Not just reading them; I love touching them, smelling them, putting them on a shelf and staring at them--and so I was standing there in line, looking at that wall, and for a moment all those pretty pretty hardcover books said Jerakeen on them instead of Dan Brown, and I almost ran over to hug them. It was just a moment, but it was a pretty spectacular one.

So I want to send my thanks to the anonymous hater I have out there, who made the first comparison that eventually gave me that awesome moment. You're really something, anonymous person; it's been a pleasure being hated by you.

My feet hurt and my fingers are all red from carrying the motherfucking boring clothes, but I really need to finish this ficlet today. So no phone or email for me for the next hour. Do not panic if you can't reach me. Have not been kidnapped by monkeys. Just hiding in my bed with my laptop.

ETA: Dude! I forgot the important stuff! Sitemeter just spit out the most amazing keywords. I can't believe people search for those, and I REALLY CAN'T believe they find their way to my site with them. Man. You can't make this shit up.

mostbeautifulman jerk off
fanfiction fuck groan moan grind come came scream yell
his hair was so inviting

His hair was so inviting, guys! HIS HAIR WAS SO INVITING!

And the world has righted itself

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:35:15 GMT

This one is a fucking awesome cover. His fingers look all finger-like and he looks fucking fierce. And it makes my heart flutter and shit.

And his single is really SIIIICK as he would say.

ETA: Download link, because sharing is caring.

Another one

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:36:56 GMT

Godly Love by minglingcrab
R | 1,000 words

Cathedral hopping while on honeymoon.

More married fic, now with porn star God.

Drabble

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:20:11 GMT

minglingcrab wrote a married!kradam drabble. It's their first real fight. How precious is that!

Go and read. It's very happy-making.

A Month
R | 600 words

Dear Sad Panda Adam;

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:57:16 GMT

No, I do not get the cover. BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY. Just so we're clear on that.

And honey, as far as I'm concerned, you can do androgyny, you can do campy, you can dress up as a Playboy bunny, and I'd be behind you all the way. But unless you were going for "a homage to Photoshop disasters of the past", I'm not gonna say ooh, lovely to a picture of you with no bones and weird fingers.

But let's not forget the part that I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, okay?

Hugs and kisses,

J.

Miserable night as I predicted

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:54:48 GMT

I have two days off and I'm getting sick. Why is that a pattern with me?

As if feeling miserable and headachy is not enough, I just saw Adam's album cover. Which I'm hoping is either a hoax or a flu-induced hallucination.

Ending this with a picture of my dog instead of the cover because it's prettier.

Today's lesson: Never start a day going through the dog door, or Adam will make you cry with his album cover.

Dog Smell

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:00:27 GMT

I locked myself out this morning. Then I had to go back in through the dog door. And now my butt hurts. Fucking ow.

I'm considering putting a sign on the door that says TAKE YOUR KEYS MORON.

So I'm kind of wary today, because my days that start with me going through the dog door never end well.

But then I came to work (late, of course) and found this:

“Nobody wears a cloak because they’re cold,” Adam said, rolling his eyes. He flapped his arms and made his stupid cloak billow out. “Come on, it looks cool!”

“Elves don’t care if they look cool!” Gerard waved his arms around, irritated. “We decided this weeks ago!”

“I didn’t decide that my character can only wear one outfit for the rest of time!” said Adam, folding his arms. “I would remember deciding that, because it would be a stupid decision that I would never make.”

“He wouldn’t,” Neil piped up. “Sometimes he spills his cereal on himself so he has an excuse to go and get dressed again.”

“Yeah!” said Adam.

AI8/MCR crossover high school AU ficlet. It's the best thing EVER. I want there to be a billion million more words of it! *hugs the ficlet*

Also, I've seen new fics posted with Kris/Katy/Adam warnings--though I may be hallucinating, because I haven't had my coffee yet--and I'm too afraid to read them. If you've read one of them, let me know if they end with Kris/Adam forever and ever or with friendly threesomes or whatever, and put me out of my misery. They are taunting me.

I am about to start Auction Fic #3 and since you guys are awesome at this and I'm lazy, I'm going to ask for more help. (What! It worked out great the last time. You think I could have thought of Orange Mango Banana Vivano on my own?)

What I need help with this time is:

(1) Anything (seriously, anything) you have on Daniel and Charles. Pictures, interviews, rumors... anything to give me ideas.
(2) Kris' father, what does he do? (His mother doesn't work, right?)
(3) Anyone who has a 6 to 9 year-old son who wouldn't mind beta-reading parts of the fic?
(4) Anyone who's really into music that would be interested in helping me with the soundtrack? I have, like, one day though. I need at least a couple of songs to get me through the planning part.

You can email me or comment if you want to help. I really appreciate all contributions, guys. I'm writing at a stupid pace and I don't want to screw anything up.

Brand New Shoes

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 22:18:41 GMT

Title: Brand New Shoes
Author: Jerakeen
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: R
Length: 9,700 words
Disclaimer: Not real. Not mine. No disrespect intended. The title is all Kris Allen's.
Warnings: AU. Improbable meet-cute situations. And shoes.
Notes: Written for kradamlove16 who won my offer for a 2,000+ word fic at the ontd_ai charity auction. This fic is kind of like Just a Glance Away, except it's from Kris' POV and there are shoes instead of trees. Special thanks to justfriending and minglingcrab for talking me down from my crazy and helping me with everything.

Beta-read by drgaellon.

Summary: “I’m not crazy or anything, I promise. If you could just pretend you know me for a couple of minutes, you’d be saving my life, I swear.”

( Story )

Unicorn AU

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 09:31:10 GMT

The Sound of Pulling Heaven Down by ruby_fruit
NC-17 | AU | 19,125 words

Kris has spent his day following a unicorn across an alien planet, is still hungry, his legs have started to ache in an ominous way, and the guy he’s realized he can’t live without is being a dickhead. He doesn’t expect to sleep at all, but he’s out before he even realizes it, exhaustion rolling up on him, heavy and soothingly blank.

ETA: Make sure you check out the art for the story as well. They're gorgeous.

Sitemeter still evil

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:33:24 GMT

Apparently, when you search for "fanfiction stuck elevator pee" in google, the BFF fic shows up third in the results.

I can't help but be curious about which fic whoever made that search was actually looking for.

Help me, Obi-Wan

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:51:36 GMT

I woke up this morning with a headache, thinking I was late for school, then I realized I don't go to school anymore, and felt even worse, because work is a bitch right now. I'd prefer school, that's how much hate I have for this place these days.

But thankfully my f-list greeted me with a video of Adam at the end of the world, and that made me feel somewhat better. *hits replay* (Though, seriously, who the hell shot that video and how did they manage to make Adam Lambert look awkward? I didn't know that was even possible.)(Also, Adam, honey, stop doing the Pete Wentz hair, 'kay? Or I'm gonna have to attack you with a brush one of these days.)

kradam_kiss has closed its first kiss fest. So many kisses I still have to catch up on! And I can't believe how many people wrote my prompt! *dances* And this! cathalin wrote me the most amazing kissing fic in the history of kissing fics! It has palm kisses. *swoons*

Waking up with a headache is not helpful with the writing, but if I do get around to it today, I'm going to need some help. Here's what I need:

(1) Adam's car. Pictures, color, model? Anything?
(2) Adam's parents. I know about Amy, but I don't know anything else. Does his mom date? Are they even officially divorced? If so, why is she still going by Lambert?
(3) Adam's pre-Idol songs, the stupidest ones. Anyone have their lyrics?
(4) Adam's Upright Cabaret covers. Are there any clean mp3s for those? (I have them, but the quality is horrible.)
(5) Any Starbucks employees in my f-list? I need help coming up with Adam's coffee order.

I know I have plenty of Adam stans lurking around my journal, so chop chop! Time to put you all to work!

Breakfast

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:37:39 GMT

Title: Breakfast
Author: Jerakeen
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: PG
Length: 553 words
Disclaimer: Not real.
Warnings: Mangoes.
Notes: For bittersweet_bun. Sequel to Morning.

Beta by minglingcrab whose comments on this drabble were actually longer than the drabble itself. (I know, honey, it's the refrigerators. They're evil.)

Summary: "Are you going to eat?"

( Drabble )

Signing up for stuff

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:24:40 GMT

Because I'm clearly not busy enough with the auction fics, and work, and life--seriously, my dog walker quit because he broke up with his fiancé, now the dog is trying to eat her way out of the garden all day and eat me at night, my sometimes-assistant got herself fired, leaving me with a huge mess--apparently I don't even know how to tie my own shoe laces without her--and my maid is trying *very hard* to get herself fired as well, and I want to fire her ass so badly--not once, but at least three or four times--but I have no one to replace her with.

My life. So glamorous.

Anyway. That wasn’t the point. The point is, I signed up for two more challenges BECAUSE I’M CRAZY.

And you lot are not allowed to leave me alone with my crazy, so you BETTER SIGN UP, TOO!

American Idol Reel Challenge

Claiming is open. Deadline is December 17th. Minimum word count is 1,000 words.

Kris Allen Slut-A-Thon

Claiming is open. Deadline is December 31st. Minimum word count is 1,000 words.

Aaand the kiss fest is still going on at kradam_kiss! I might have another drabble for that one. *hides*

Also! All these challenges accept ART! Just so you know!

Morning

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:15:31 GMT

Title: Morning
Author: Jerakeen
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: R
Length: 287 words
Disclaimer: Not real.
Warnings: Too short?
Notes: For okiekookie who made me this awesome piece of art for the BFF fic.

Beta by minglingcrab.

Summary: He is in bed with Adam. And they are both naked.

( Drabble )

Lay Down My Heart

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:54:31 GMT

Title: Lay Down My Heart
Author: Jerakeen
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: PG-13
Length: 6,060 words
Disclaimer: Not real. Title is from the song I Can’t Make You Love Me (cover) by Adam Lambert.
Warnings: Cliché. Sap. I wrote this a couple billion times before. Self-indulgence at its best!
Notes: Written for holland who won my offer for a 1,000+ word ficlet at the ontd_ai charity auction.

Beta by minglingcrab.

Summary: Kris’ love life has never been very eventful.

( Story )

Re-rec

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:22:04 GMT

Can I do a re-rec? Like re-tweet?

roga recced this to me and I'd like to pay it forward, because I have an inexplicable fondness for odd AUs.

All These Things That I've Done by winterlive
12,600 words | AU | NC-17

Stars and things

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 07:13:44 GMT

★ OTW Membership Drive: You should donate whatever you can spare to the OTW, because it's a kickass project, run by some kickass people. And it's a damn worthy cause. (For me anyway.)

We envision a future in which all fannish works are recognized as legal and transformative and are accepted as a legitimate creative activity.

★ sprat made a vid in which Adam shakes his ass a lot. It's hypnotizing. Watching it a couple million times may cause dizziness. Or so I've been told.

★ Fandom nominations for Yuletide are open.

★ Reel Idol is still taking movie submissions. Here's a list of the movies already submitted. Claiming will start in a few days, so if you're up for the challenge, you should go and check out the movies, and pick one of my submissions BECAUSE I NEED PRETTY WOMAN FIC DAMMIT.

★ My cat has taken to sleeping with my jellyfish. (It's a toy. I don't have a pet jellyfish. Even I am not that weird.) She took it to her bed and she's snuggling with it every night. I don't get it.

★ Kris' album cover spawned fics. And they're nice. A couple I've read: here and here.

★ Since we're a bit lacking in visuals over at kradam_kiss, I'm thinking about offering a 100-word drabble for every piece of fanart made for the fest. Would anyone be interested in that?

★ I like these stars. Can you tell?

Death by pretty

jerakeen.c@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:03:49 GMT

You guys, look what sandrainthesun made for me! *flails* It's so damn pretty! And awesome! And PRETTY!

*flails some more*

I must have done something right in a past life to have friends this amazing.